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What are outbursts/ Tantrum?
Outbursts/ Tantrum come in various forms and magnitudes.
They can entail dramatic displays of anger, frustration, and disorganized behavior – when your child ‘loses control’.
You may witness yelling, rigid limbs, an arched back, kicking, collapsing, flailing, or fleeing. Occasionally, children may hold their breath, vomit, break objects, or inadvertently harm themselves or others during an outburst.
Why outbursts/ tantrum occur ?
Outbursts/ Tantrum are frequent among children aged 1-3 years.
This is due to young children being in early stages of social, emotional, and language development. They cannot always articulate their needs and emotions, including the desire for independence, leading to frustration. Additionally, they are learning that their actions affect others. Thus, outbursts/ tantrum are a way for young children to express and manage emotions, as well as comprehend or influence their environment.
Older children may also experience outbursts/ tantrum because they have not yet learned safe methods to express or manage emotions.
For both toddlers and older children, several factors can increase the likelihood of outbursts/ tantrum :
- Disposition – this influences how quickly and intensely children react to frustrating events or changes in their surroundings. More sensitive children may become upset more easily.
- Stress, hunger, fatigue, and overstimulation – these factors can hinder children’s ability to express emotions, manage them, and remain calm.
- Challenges beyond children’s coping abilities – for example, a toddler may struggle if an older child takes away a toy.
- Intense emotions – anxiety, fear, shame, and anger can overwhelm children.
How to reduce the occurrence of outbursts/ tantrum ?
Here are a few strategies to minimize the occurrence of outbursts:
- Help your child identify their emotions. You can start this from infancy by using words to describe feelings like ‘happy’, ‘sad’, ‘angry’, ‘tired’, ‘hungry’, and ‘comfortable’.
- Recognize triggers for outbursts such as fatigue, hunger, worries, fears, or overstimulation. Planning for these situations and avoiding triggers, such as shopping after your child has napped or eaten, might help.
- When your child successfully manages a challenging situation without an outburst/ tantrum, encourage them to recognize how they feel. For example, ‘I saw you rebuild that tower without getting upset when it fell. How did that feel? Did you feel strong and calm?’
- Discuss emotions after an outburst when your child is calm. For example, ‘Did you throw that toy because you were angry that it wasn’t working? What else could you have done?’
- Demonstrate positive responses to stress. For instance, ‘I’m worried about traffic making us late. If I take deep breaths, it will help me stay calm.’
How to manage outbursts/ tantrum when they occur?
Despite efforts to prevent them, outbursts can still happen. How you respond depends on your child’s age:
- For toddlers, providing comfort and reassurance with ‘time-in’ can be effective.
- For older children, using 5 steps to calm down – identifying the emotion, naming it, pausing, supporting them as they calm down, and addressing the underlying issue – can be beneficial.
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These tips may help outbursts/ tantrum subside with less distress for everyone involved:
- Ensure the safety of your child and those around them. This may involve moving your child to a safer place if necessary.
- Once your child is in a secure location, calmly acknowledge the emotion they are expressing – speak slowly and softly.
- Stay calmly with your child until they calm down. Offer physical contact if desired or give them space if needed. Avoid trying to reason with your child.
- Consistently refrain from giving in to demands. This helps your child learn that outbursts/ tantrum will not achieve what they want.
- Consider using a ‘paradoxical instruction’. This involves giving your child permission to scream or shout until they are ready to stop. For example, ‘You can yell louder if you want. It’s a big park, and we’re not bothering anyone.’
- Comfort your child once they have calmed down. Outbursts are distressing for everyone involved.
Outbursts/ tantrum in preschoolers and early school-age children
At this age, children are better able to understand the consequences of their actions. For instance, after your child has calmed down from an outburst, you could explain that a natural consequence of having an outburst/ tantrum is that other children may not want to play with them.
Coping with outbursts/ tantrum: managing your own emotions
If you can remain calm when your child has an outburst/ tantrum, you provide them with a model of calm behavior. Here are some tips for staying calm and maintaining perspective during outbursts/ tantrum:
- Have a clear plan for handling an outburst in any situation you find yourself in. Focus on implementing your plan when an outburst/ tantrum occurs.
- Accept that you cannot directly control your child’s emotions or behavior. Your role is to ensure their safety and guide their behavior to reduce the likelihood of future outbursts/ tantrum.
- Understand that change takes time. Your child is still growing and learning, and outbursts/ tantrum are part of their developmental process. Developing and practicing self-regulation skills is an ongoing journey.
- Avoid assuming that your child is intentionally trying to upset you. Children do not have outbursts/ tantrum on purpose; they may be stuck in a behavior pattern or lack the skills to cope with the situation.
- Maintain a sense of humor, but avoid laughing during an outburst/ tantrum – doing so may inadvertently reward your child with attention.
- Furthermore, laughing may upset your child further if they perceive it as mockery. Ignore disapproving looks from others. They may either not have children or have forgotten what it’s like.
In conclusion, understanding and managing children’s outbursts or tantrums involves recognizing their diverse forms and underlying causes, which often stem from early developmental stages and challenges in emotional expression. These behaviors can persist into older childhood if not effectively addressed. Strategies to minimize outbursts include helping children identify emotions, anticipating triggers, and teaching them positive stress-management techniques. When outbursts occur, responding calmly and empathetically is crucial, tailored to the child’s age and emotional needs. Ultimately, fostering emotional awareness and regulation in children, while maintaining composure as caregivers, supports a constructive approach to handling and reducing tantrums over time.
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